2012 – The year I learnt to love…..me for me!

Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

~Hal Borland

I know I know I haven’t blogged in months but I am still here and it seems wrong to let the year change and not even post something about the last 12 months. Isn’t that what us blogging type do, reflect, over think and share our thoughts??? Or is that just me???

2012 has certainly had its ups and downs; it started much as 2011 had done for me with more surgery and tears. 2012 for me hasn’t been a year of huge life achievements, of ticking goals of my bucket list or even the 30 things to do before 30 lists. It’s been a year of few significant activates, no exotic holidays, I haven’t found the one, I haven’t won a medal (that’s my brother) but I have learnt a lot about me, the person I am, who I want to be and the people I want around me.

How has 2012 taught me this I hear you ask…well let me explain;

This year I finally came to terms with the effects my Adenomyosis has on my life (ish) I have learnt to deal with it, I know more about when I need to rest but also when to take the moments when I am well and REALLY enjoy them. I know my limits better now. I also know my options and 2012 saw a light appear in the form of a new treatment. Understandably some of the people I love the most have pleaded with me to end by personal battle with it, move on (have the operation) but I know what I want now and am confident in my decisions, I know the risks I am taking, but that was my choice, I took back control. I know longer feel sorry for myself and question why me, after all its far from the end of the world (I am more than aware people face every day with far worse) and it has given me the opportunity to have a new perfective life (too cheesy/ cliché) for that I am grateful.

Moving on (sorry if you are bored already) this year taught me a lot about friendship. I learnt what a true friend is and hopefully how to return that love. Some important bridges have been re-built this year or maybe that the wrong way to look at it as they have been restored, regenerated even. I now understand the importance of respect in a friendship. We all disagree with each other’s life choices (we are all only human) but it’s the job of a true friend to respect each other decisions even when we do not truly understand. 2012 has showed me how crucial my friends truly are to me and my happiness.

I have been reminded of the things that raise a smile, that really matter and make me who I am;

• How much a love to read a good book and how important it is to me to make time to read
• The fun that can be had from letting yourself go and being excited about something as if you were 15 again (had to mention the epic fan girling in here somewhere)
• A very special little boy taught me how a child can always make you smile, even on your lowest days.
• The enjoyment in baking a simple cake for a loved one
• Supporting/ sharing in someone else’s achievements (my amazing brother earned a place on Team GB and a very special friend had her first book published)
• Learning something new
• Experimenting with a new look or even a hat
• That you can enjoy your job!
• I love rubbish TV J
• Making time to listen to the people you care about

So what do I hope for 2013…we I guess that’s fairly simple? I hope to be lucky enough to fill my year with everything listed above and now I know more about me, who I am and what I want from life, honestly I would love to find someone to share that with.

Maybe it will happen in 2013 maybe not, but one thing is for sure I know myself well enough now to know what I am looking for. I don’t want someone for the sake of it, after all I enjoy my own company, I want someone who appreciates me for me, doesn’t want to change me, isn’t out to hurt me, use me, or waste my time. I know I have a lot to offer, I just need to find the right person. The only question remaining is who that person really is…will I find them in Yorkshire or the other side of the world….where ever they are they better love Yorkshire Tea!

I want to thank anyone who has taken time to read even a word of my crazy blog over the last 12 months. It amazes me that anyone reads it at all but I am grateful that you do, I wish you all a very very happy 2013!!!!!

Happy New Year 2013

Finally it wouldn’t be the same without a quote or two…

How sure I feel, how warm and strong and happy
For the future! How sure the future is within me;
I am like a seed with a perfect flower enclosed….
~D.H. Lawrence, “Wedlock”

Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it. ~L.M. Montgomery

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. ~John Burroughs

xxxx

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 12,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 20 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

A few nice words can help people more than you think….

Firstly I know it has been ages and ages since I have taken time to write on my blog. I guess life has just been a little manic and to be honest I haven’t been that inspired. Then this morning the title of the blog, those few little words pop-up on a social media site and it got my thinking…

My last few weeks has had its up’s and downs and what has genuinely got my though has a few kind words from those around me. I wanted to write something about how much of a difference it has made to me in order to prompt myself to remember to do the same to others.

I think if I had to pick a ‘favourite few words’ that I have heard/ received of late it would have to be receiving this quote from a friend in the post (yes in the post how perfect is that…)

Moving on, tedious link or not, other words that have been keeping my focus and a smile on my face is my new found ‘fangirl’ love for Darren Hayes. I recently went to see him on concert on 28^th September in Manchester and I have to say it was the best concert I have ever been too.  I had been listening to his CD for months in advance and while the song lyrics were amazing to sing along to in the car they took it to a new level that night. The acoustics of the small location made his amazing voice sound perfect. Usually I will leave a concert with a sore thought, or even worse I lose my voice 3 songs in to the show. On this night I found myself just listening or softly whispering the words as I didn’t want to miss a min of his amazing voice or carefully chosen.

Ok so before this goes any further or I start to sound completely OTT (and I fear I have already gone too far) I think it’s time to wrap this up.

As you can expect todays quotes are some (not all as I would be here all day) of my favour Darren Hayes lyrics, words that have soothed/ healed me over the last few weeks and for those around me….sorry the crazy addition is not disappearing any time soon I just ordered a new CD…..and I am not really sorry!

Happy Friday everyone xxx

My friends tell me I should look around for somebody new
But they don’t know you……

Hand upon the Bible
Your love is survival I tell you ~ God Walking Into The Room

Nobody gets me Nobody gets me
Nobody gets me like you ~ Cruel Cruel World
Love, You’re in pieces
There’s no one left to lay you down
Or say it’s okay
On the worst night
Of the worst year that we might fall
We’ll go out punching

You hit me like a subway train~ Bloodstained Hearts

And my heart’s in a mess because my nearly love is not real enough ~ Nearly Love
No stop all the rain and poison the ground
love doesn’t want to hang around
go turn all the fruits into bits of wine
it was only sweet when you were mine

…..And nothing compares
how could it even dare ~ Black Out The Sun

Don’t give up don’t give up don’t give up on our love story when you can’t
Go on
Don’t give up don’t give up always dark before the morning when you can’t
Go on
You be a brave heart I’ll be a lion’s roar
And love surrenders to win the war

And I wanna run away from this but I never leave a sinking ship no
Without you in it there’s no point to our story oooh ~ Don’t Give Up

I know you think we’re better alone.

Sometimes all the words are unsaid

but you listen to them argue every night in your head.

Just breathe in and out. ~ Talk Talk Talk
Sold my kingdom for a war with you
With you ~ Stupid Mistake lyrics

As a broken promise returns too late
Another sunset meets an argument
Fade out of nowhere into nothing
Into nothing at all

How did my love turn into something
That you don’t really want ~ Nothing

 

Shining like a ray of hope swift like a turning sea
Angel to comfort me
Cradling my head in your hands…

And I want you and that’s so terrifying
And I want you to help put out the fire
Because I am an island
And you are the ocean
And all of my sadness taken by the sea ~ Taken By The Sea Lyrics

Never felt pleasure and pain like this…

One of us gotta let go of this ~Strange Relationship

 

I wish that I could be eleven again That E.T was my friend You know that life
was so simple then Times have changed Never be the same The memory remains And
the melody inside my heart ~ Crush (1980 Me)

 Photo by Ellis Parrinder

(for Amy xx)

Enough now??? Ok I am done …for now

xx

Innuendo Friday Cooking School

Since you have put so many embarrasing pictures of me on here I thought I would attempt a ‘reblog’ also known as steeling to my blog! haha!

Also as it is, as usual a very funny post, I wanted to add it to mine in hope of raising a smile or too. I cannot believe my little blog has had over 10,000 viewing in just over 12 months.

For everyone that has taken even a min out of there busy lives to read it I am very grateful, it makes me smile every time I recieve a comment or simply a ‘Like’ on my posts.

Anyway enough ramblings I just wanted to say thankyou and sharing pictures of me making an idiot of myself seems to be a good way to do that 🙂

xx

‘When you hear the sound of thunder ‘ & Sunday Update

It’s Sunday!

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately, I don’t even know where the time has gone. I also have to admit I have become a little obsessed with Instagram so any spare mins seem to be spent on that.

On that note does anyone know how to link your Instagram account to your WordPress blog? I would like it to appear on my blog just like me tweets???

Anyway I thought I would just write a post  updating with what has been going on lately include the ‘interesting’ bits and bobs that have been going on, in and around my life. I am aiming for top 5 bit I might not have that much to say..

1)      My amazing ‘little’ brother has made the team GB squad for Bobsleigh. It’s taken a lot of hard work and dedication to get to this point and I know this is only the start of a lot of training, traveling and effort. This huge achievement that has only rightly resulted in a lot of family celebration….my brother isn’t a 9-5 sort of guy so for him this is truly ‘Living the Dream’. I going to be doing everything I can to help and support him from behind the scenes as I could not be prouder. Fingers crossed he will be a name to watch in 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi.

GO !

2)      Even further excitement has been caused by more amazing achievements by Amy Keen. Not only has she written an amazing book, YA Paranormal novel (that I have been privileges enough to read) but she has signed a publishing contract for it! How truly superb is that!?! I cannot put into words how please I am for her or even how proud I am of her achievement. She is another name that you need to remember and you will hopefully be seeing on your own bookshelves.

It’s amazing to think that when we became friends we didn’t really know what we wanted to go with our lives or where it might take us. We had few hopes and dreams for what we would like to do but they were exactly that, hopes and dreams. It is beyond brilliant to know that for Amy one of those goals from back then is now coming true. This wonderful woman could not deserve it more. Anyway enough from me, if you wish to know more about it (and you do of course)… please have a read of the story so far in the ladies own words;   http://thesethingsandme.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/this-is-what-it-feels-like-when-dreams-come-true/

3)      Heath update… As anyone that read my last post knows I have Adenomyosis and have been trying to deal with it for approx. 2.5 years.  So I am currently in month 4 of a 6 month program of Prostap (leuprorelin) you get two injections every three months. The idea of this drug is that it stops the production of oestrogens in women (which is why is can be used  to treat Adenomyosis  or Endometriosis but it is also given to individuals to help fight prostate cancer or breast cancer).

After some initial ‘teething problems’ (2 weeks of increased pain) I seemed to react very well to this drug and was over the moon with getting my life back and having days even weeks of being pain free.  With such success I was extremely keen to progress with the second injection with hopes that months 4, 5, and 6 would be just as good. Unfortunately two weeks into this second injection and I seem to be suffering with strong side effects and have been experiencing a lot of pain in my ligaments, mainly my neck and shoulders, arms and legs. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t have changed my decision to have the injection but I wish I had been warned about this side effect. I was told it should only last 3 weeks…I am now in week 5 so fingers crossed for some improvement soon the main problem is this medicine should only be used for a maximum of six months due to the side effects on your bone density. I have to admit however I can feel the pelvic pain starting to creep its way back…it’s like a distant rain cloud right now, I can feel it in the air and I know it’s coming.. Unfortunately I don’t think it will be too long until I am reaching for my umbrella (the painkillers again).

4)      I have been shopping (a few times and on the internet..oh dear!) so even with all the exciting news I wanted to treat myself a little this month and I have been so impressed with my new purposes and finds I thought I would share them with you.

• I splurged on some pretty Tom Ford makeup and I have to say I love his lipstick and bronzer! I am now covered and will by buying more in the further I am sure!
• I bought some new clothes! Yay! My favourite item had to be the bright red ‘Eva’ dress that I purchased from Rule 1. If you haven’t come across them before its certainly worth having a look: http://www.rule1store.com/ it’s a boutique store so they don’t have 100’s of dresses but I think that’s what makes it special.
• New GHD hairdryer…not a cheap hair dryer but my hair has been suffering a little due to the side effects of my injections so I felt like that was a good enough excuse (right??) . So far I think it’s worth every penny. Usefully when I dry my hair it turns into a huge ball of frizz. Once I have dried it using this one it is so straight I can almost manage without the straighteners.

5)      Last but not least, I went to the cinema to see Ted! I haven’t been to the cinema in ages but I loved that film so much it needed a mention today. You have to pick the right friend to watch this film with because you do not want to be belly laughing at the brilliant/ inappropriate jokes only to find your cinema companion watching and judging you. I went with a super individual and we loved every minute of it, I dear say we will be quoting those jokes for at least the next 12 months.

So that’s it, that the update and because the blog is so long (sorry) I am going to opt for only one quote from the movie Ted:

‘When you hear the sound of thunder,

Don’t you get too scared.

Just grab your thunder buddy

And say these magic words:….’

and there I have to stop as the language used in the film is not suitable for my innocent little blog.

 xxx

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

Before anyone immediately clicks away and thinking this is the wrong blog todays post is going to be a little different. I found the idea on another blog that I have found very useful and has helped me a lot recently. There was something about the idea and the old theory that ‘knowledge is power’ that made me want to write this. After all if more people talk about their health issues it will reduce the taboo nature of it. I have found the more I have spoken to people the more supported I feel and sometime love and support is all you need….

Anyway like it or not this is todays post, normal service will resume next time.

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know

1. The illness I live with is: Adenomyosis
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2011
3. But I had symptoms since: 2010 (possible as far back as 1998 but not significant)
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Learning not to blame/dislike myself
5. Most people assume: That it only bothers me now and again.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: Adjusting to the pain when I first wake up
7. My favorite medical TV show is: House
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: iPhone
9. The hardest part about nights are: Trying to sleep or if I am upset being alone
10. Each day I take 1- 16 pills & vitamins.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: am part way through a course of Prostap injections (each one lasting 6 months) and have a Mirena coil fitted
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: invisible (it gives me the option to try and hide it from people).
13. Regarding working and career: I enjoy my job.
14. People would be surprised to know: How much time I really enjoy my work.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Upsetting my family and feeling like I am letting them down.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Kept fighting it.
17. The commercials about my illness: Private health care is expensive…I am a ‘Pay as you go’ customer.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Being able to make plans and know I can stick to them.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: My freedom (it can be a little restrictive)
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: knitting (but only in the winter)
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Have a baby (if you could do that in a day)
22. My illness has taught me: That life is tough but you just have to keep going, other people cope with far worse.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: ‘I have really bad period pains’ (does that make me a horrid person).
24. But I love it when people: give me a hug (and say nothing).
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase – Martin Luther King, Jr.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: The truth, it’s not an easy ride and I wish someone had been there to tell me the reality.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: That dealing with it as a single person has been easier than trying to do it with someone that wasn’t right for me.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Make me a cup of tea (or ten).
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I found this idea on someone elses blog when looking for guidance/information.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Apologetic (because it was a little boring)

I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. ~ The Vow (2012)

Today, due to a change of plan and my body refusing to do anything but lie on the sofa and watch TV while demanding endless painkillers I sat and watched ‘The Vow’ (inspired by a true story).

If you haven’t seen the film it’s about a married couple who are in a car accident. Unfortunately this leads to the leading lady Paige (Rachel McAdams) being in a coma, and when she wakes up with severe memory loss, she has forgotten that she is married, forgotten the last few years of her live and most heart-breaking part is that she has forgotten how much she loves her husband Leo (Channing Tatum).

The plot of the film is whether the couple can find their way back to each other. If she does not recall that she loved him or even why, can they find a way to fall in love all over again? Is it more possible that they may fall back in love if it is a ‘once in a life time love’?

This got my little brain wondering, is it possible to fall in love with the same person all over again? Whether you are starting with a blank page or have each memory stored away is it possible? Is there even such a thing as a ‘once in a life time love’? If it is possible to find that chemistry and emotion again, would it be the same?

Given a choice would you even want it to be the same or would you want it to be new (with a little sprinkle of comfort that only a history can bring)? Even if it is possible, is it worth the risk that it wouldn’t be better than the first time?

Without spoiling the plot the film reaches a point where it all seems impossible and Leo asks ‘How do you look at the girl you love and tell yourself it’s time to walk away? ‘.  After all when you fall in love with someone you never imagine there will come a moment that you will walk away from them, I can only assume this is even hard if you have vowed to love them forever.

Anyway I am not 100% sure where this random post is going and I do not think it is fair to spoil the plot any further. I wrote this with the purpose of sharing the parts of the film that for me were thought provoking while also using it as an excuse to post some of the quotes I really liked from the film. I enjoyed the film, it wasn’t an epic love story but it was enjoyable for a rainy day and it kept the romantic in me happy.

Laters, J

(Oh yes I have just finished reading Fifty Shades Freed and I am already missing taking Christian to bed at night)

Xxx

Quotes from the film; The Vow (2012)

My Favourite – Life’s all about moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them? ~ Leo

I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.~ Paige

I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. ~ Leo

I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other. ~ Leo

I chose to stay with him for all the things he’s done right; not the one thing he’s done wrong. I chose to forgive him. ~ Rita Thornton

I’ll always love you. The fact is, you’re just meeting me and I’m just a stranger. ~ Leo

The busy have no time for tears. ~ Lord Byron

I remember when the school six weeks summer holiday seemed like an eternity. Six weeks was a life time and you could fit in so much; a fortnight family holiday, endless lie in, playing games with your friends and by the end of it you wanted to go back to school because you were bored (although you never actually admitted it to your Mum).. Somehow six weeks now passes like the blink of any eye, I am often struggling to remember what month we are in, Christmas could have been yesterday as far as I am concerned.

Do you recall the last time you were bored as an adult (other than when you have been waiting in a queue/ traffic trying to get to the next thing on your ‘To Do list’)? if there is a list of things you need to be doing I conclude that you are not bored as you have stuff to do, you simply cannot get to do it and are annoyed/ frustrated (not the same as bored). 

The speed that time is passing is my poor excuse for not writing a blog in ..well forever! I am not even going to look back and see how pitiful my efforts have been. Being busy is not a good enough excuse, plenty of people I know have even more on their plate and are not regleting their blogs 🙂

I can’t say much is new or that I have a great deal to share but in the last few months, in summary I have:

• Found  a new addition to coffee (my new best friend)
• Started getting very excited about my upcoming holiday
• Seen an improvement in my health (although not sure it is lasting..oh well)
• Lost over a stone in weight
• Seen Westlife’s ‘Good Bye’ tour- and yes it was amazing
• Done A LOT of shopping
• Worked even more than that
• Made time to reconnect with my amazing friends!
• Started reading again, which included; the amazing ‘fifty shades of grey’ trilogy (reading still in progress) and a superb book by a brilliant author…http://thesethingsandme.wordpress.com/

..Ok so after looking at the list maybe a lot is new and I can now see why I have have been short on time.

Today’s post is simply to try and get myself back into my ‘blogging ways’, however I have found a quote or two on today’s subject of ‘being busy’, enjoy!

Be back soon (or that’s the plan) xx

No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading, or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance. ~ Confucius

 Steady as a clock, busy as a bee, and cheerful as a cricket. ~ Martha Washington

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. ~ Henry David Thoreau

 It’s not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted. ~ Mary O\’Connor

 The busy man is troubled with but one devil; the idle man by a thousand. ~ Spanish Proverb quotes

A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you’re at home. ~Author Unknown

Nothing much to say today other than to share a quote or two that made me smile…enjoy! xx

When love is not madness, it is not love.  ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.  ~Donna Roberts

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women:  a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.  ~Jerry Seinfeld

Dancing is moving to the music without stepping on anyone’s toes, pretty much the same as life.  ~Robert Brault

A life without love is like a year without summer.  ~Swedish Proverb

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.  ~Rita Mae Brown

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.  ~Elizabeth Metcalf

Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.  ~Robert Byrne

Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.  ~Bob Irwin

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.  ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator

The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial one in any love story.  ~Emil Ludwig

 

 

My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot. ~Ashleigh Brilliant

12 months, 365 (ok 366, since it was a leap year) and a lot of change…

Take minute to look around you; does it look similar to the same time last year? Are your surroundings the same? Are you doing the same job? Do you feel like the same person? Are the people in your life the same?

A lot can change in a minute or a day never mind an entire year. In 12 months I have seen people and their lives change a lot, most specifically my closest friends. We seem to be at an age where changes are more significant. Each alteration we make has more of an impact; we can’t swap and change our minds like we did in our teens or early twenties. Each job, relationship, change of location requires more thought, more decision making and impacts those around us. I don’t know that anything else has influenced this only the fact that we ourselves, our personalities have altered. Suddenly we take more time to think things through, more with our heads and less with our hearts? Less impulsive? A new job, moving house, each relationships seems more ‘real’, I guess you could say we are actually growing up…who knew that would really happen!

What I have realised the most is that is doesn’t ‘just happen’, you have to make it happen.  It’s not like the movies where the story is already written and it’s just a case of the scenes playing out. It’s not as easy as plodding along one scene at a time until the happy ending arrives and everything comes together just as it should be. To get somewhere near what you want or even what your dreams are made of, it seems you need to put some effort in. Nothing is simple and getting what you want needs a strong cocktail of; work, courage, patience and decision making. Crying or stomping your foot seems to have stopped working a life time ago. On the plus side, from what I have witnessed it seems worth it all!

12 months ago I thought I was set, work done, decisions made, the road mapped out ahead. Turns out it needed rubbing out and drawing all over again (borrowed that phase from a friend because I love the idea of it). I feel like I have re-drawn the outline, got the key elements in place and I am just waiting to add the next layer of details, however it turns out I already love this picture more than the last. In 12 months’ time the picture might be completely different again..exciting isn’t it?!

 

To be continued…